My daughter and I were talking what how sometimes adults in her presence say things she doesn’t really think are appropriate. Not bad words, etc but talking about other people on the team or other people they are working with.
For example she said one day she was working with her trainer and her trainer commented on how training this other person was so hard because she always had feedback no matter what she was asked to do.
This got me thinking about things some of my leaders have said to me about those on the same team or even those in leadership positions around me.
As leaders we must be very mindful of what we say, do or even think around our team. Even our body language can convey something that we don’t mean to. It can demean our leadership when we speak badly about those around us even if we feel we are only venting.
Venting should be done in a small group or to a very safe person! Complaining can feel freeing but imagine that comment above getting back to the person it was said about. Now as a leader you are in a bad spot! You now have to explain to the person why you said it and then you probably have to explain why you didn’t say it to them in the first place.
The bible is very clear about protecting what we say because our tongues are very strong and have the ability to either cut someone down or build someone up.
So what do you do when you find yourself in this situation? Well first of all be honest! If you find you’ve said something apologize to the person you said it to! Then go tell the person you were talking about, you don’t have to say “well I told Mel that you are (insert whatever here)” but you can say, I am struggling when you provide negative feedback when we are working together, is there something I can do differently?
Next pay attention to your words! Watch when you might say these things, are you frustrated with something else? Or maybe you are overtired or feeling over worked. Learn your triggers and then work to resolve them. If there is someone who needs the feedback find a time to meet with them and provide that! You’ll feel better and so will your team!!
List some times when you’ve done this, and then think back to how you could of handled it differently!!